


Request 5 (Alain)

by Yoselin



Series: L&L Tumblr Prompts [5]
Category: Love & Legends (Visual Novel)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-23
Updated: 2018-01-23
Packaged: 2019-03-08 10:38:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13456482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yoselin/pseuds/Yoselin
Summary: Originally posted to Tumblr.Prompt: “I don’t deserve to be loved” (Alain).





	Request 5 (Alain)

Sometimes I curse the fact that I was born American. My sedentary lifestyle behind a computer screen had not prepared me for the long run it was from the Witch Queen’s castle to the nearby town.   
My lungs burn and knees ache as I run. It is purely adrenaline and Alain’s hand that keep me going. Running has never been my strong suit, but I can’t stop.   
The Witch Queen and her Generals are after us. They won’t give up on finding us easily.   
My nails dig into Alain’s hand and I stumble into him as a fallen branch nearly trips me. He wraps an arm around my waist and steadies me. His cheeks are flushed from running and his hands are shaking from both adrenaline and fear.   
“How far do you think they’ll chase us?” I breathe the question out and bend over. My breaths leave in shallow pants and I press a hand to my forehead.   
Everything aches and I lean more heavily against Alain. I can feel how tense he is through his armor. Every part of him is on edge and his eyes keep scanning the nearby trees for threats. It takes him a long while to answer me, but when he finally does, he sounds worried and he doesn’t meet my eyes.   
“Forever, Hannah. Lennox can’t keep up by himself but he’ll send his cultists. Jinhai will have his animals look for us. Magnus will track us with his best men...and the Witch Queen will put spells on us once she is finished torturing Helena for helping us. Her magic can chase us until the end. Our best bet is to lay low in town and rent a room at some inn. People don’t know us, won’t recognize us, and we can plan after we rest.”  
I bite my lip and brush a lock of my hair behind my ears. As my fingers press against my cheek, a hiss of pain leaves my lips. The skin there is raw, as if burnt, and the adrenaline is slowly wearing off meaning that every part of my body flares up in pain.   
Alain whirls around at the sound of my cry and his eyes widen. He grabs my face gently away from the wounded area and angles it up.   
A curse leaves his lips and the color drains from his face. “The Witch Queen hurt you with a spell. Hold still.”  
I tense as his fingers brush past the area and nearly scream when he presses down on it. His fingers withdraw with frost and I resist the urge to cry.   
“Frostbite?” I ask myself this as he rubs the ice away on his coat and he nods.   
Shit.   
My mind tries to remember what the protocol for frostbite is but I draw a blank.   
“We need to get you to warm up somewhere. Come on,” Alain grabs my hand gently and begins tugging me.   
With hardly enough time to catch my breath, we run again. 

It’s nightfall by the time we finally reach town. A good day has been placed between us and the Witch Queen.   
Alain stops me at an inn and disappears inside. He leaves me out with his armor, claiming that the sight of it would give away that he is a General, and I clench my teeth. The area where the Witch Queen hit me burns intensely and I want to black out. All the running has increased the temperature of the frostbite burn causing immense pain.   
It is a relief when Alain beckons me forward inside the inn.   
The innkeeper has booked a small room for us at the second floor. He doesn’t recognize either of us and, with my hood covering my injury, he doesn’t give us a second glance.   
That’s a welcome relief.   
Alain says nothing until he closes the door behind us and burns a candle by the window. His face looks exhausted and worried.  
“We need to warm up the area,” he murmurs.   
I make a face as I watch him tear at his tunic and dip it into warm water. My fingers clench into fists at my side as he presses the thing to my cheek.   
When hot meets cold, the pain is so intense I nearly black out. It is only his arms around my shoulders that steady me.   
Eventually, I begin to feel it slowly become bearable. My fingers curl into his tunic and I take in his scent for comfort. He smells of sweat and mint. My eyes drift shut and I hiss between my teeth.   
“We made it,” I rasp.   
Alain doesn’t say anything. His eyes aren’t looking at me, they’re miles away. His mind is elsewhere and the way he is biting his lip doesn’t comfort me.   
I draw away and hold the washcloth to my face. I can feel the swelling from the frost bite slowly start to go down. I guess magical ice injuries deplete the further away from the magical source they are.   
My hands seek out Alain’s hands and I grip them in mine for comfort. He looks down at me, as if remembering I am there, and closes his eyes.   
“We escaped,” I remind him.   
“You were injured saving me,” he murmurs back.   
“It’s just a minor wound.”  
“Look in a mirror, Hannah.”  
I eye him wearily and turn to look at the mirror besides him. My eyes widen and I bite my tongue to keep from saying something.   
The frostbite has caused my cheek to swell up and turn blue. It looks bad, really bad, and I wince.   
Alain moves away from me and plops down on the bed. The way he is positioned, I can tell he’s about to shut down.   
Pressing the hot towel closer to my face, I offer him a weak smile. “It’s not that bad.”  
Alain grimaces and turns away from me. His back acts as a barrier shutting himself fully from me. Wherever he is retreating into his mind, I am not welcome.   
Before he fully disappears mentally, however, he hisses something out more to himself than me. “You’re right, it’s even worse.”

After that night, we spend three more days at the inn.   
We leave our room a few times a day for meals, but stay cooped up most of the time. I cling to Alain at every turn, and he stays locked by my side.   
It would almost be romantic if it wasn’t for the fact that his mind is always elsewhere. There’s a dark glint in his eyes, full of self loathing, that I hate. Despite how hard I try to ease some of his worries, he won’t budge.   
Leaving the Generals behind did something mentally. He doesn’t regret it, I know he has grown to hate the Witch Queen as much as I have, yet there’s a part of him that was left there.   
I think he spent so much time becoming her Knight General that now his soul is fractured in half. There’s a lot of guilt in his expression and pain in his eyes. I catch him glaring at his reflection when he thinks I’m not looking.   
Whatever mental war is waging within him, it is as bad as the real combat he fought. 

Four nights into our stay, Alain’s screaming wakes me up. He squirms in bed and shouts so loudly I swear the walls shake.   
I panic for a second, sure that one of the Generals found us, yet ease up when I realize it’s a nightmare.   
My hands grip Alain’s form and I press myself into his side. My lips move to his ear and I run my fingers through his hair. He is covered in sweat and he tenses against my touch.   
“Hey, it’s just a dream, you’re ok,” I whisper.   
I have to repeat this a few times before I feel him fully wake up from whatever nightmare he was enduring. When he finally becomes aware of his surroundings, he closes his eyes tightly and sinks into my embrace.   
“A nightmare?” I ask this even though I already know the answer. My fingers thread through his hair and I press a soft kiss to his cheek.   
He leans away from it and stands up. I fall to the side of the bed so suddenly that a yelp leaves my lips.   
Alain, who had once leaned into my touch like he depended on it to survive, now shrinks from it. I try and hide how much it hurts.   
“I dreamt of her again, the Witch Queen. She was torturing you for my disobedience. I saw her...I saw her hit you with an ice blast so powerful it killed you. She kept saying it was my fault,” Alain whispers. His hands knot in his hair and he paces from side to side. His voice is raw and raspy from screaming.   
I swing out of bed and approach him. “It’s just a dream.”  
My hand reaches for his shoulder but he draws away. My touch, it seems, terrifies him. Biting my cheek, I let my hand fall limply at my side.   
“She’s right, Hannah. I almost killed you because I was too weak to protect you then. Helena was the one to defend you from the Generals, and you took that ice blast from the With Queen for me. It could have killed you,” he hisses it out and grabs his coat.   
“It wasn’t your fault. You ran with me, Alain. You saved me from her.”  
I try and reach for him again but he sidesteps me and draw the door open. I freeze.   
“Where are you going?” I press my hands to my side and bite my lip.   
“I need some time to think,” he murmurs, “I’m taking a walk. Go back to bed.”  
I open my mouth to protest, to tell him that it isn’t safe to wander around where Jinhai’s animals can spot him, but the pained look in his eyes tells me he won’t listen.   
Like the past few days, his mind is retreating to a corner I can’t reach. It’s futile to push it. I know Alain well enough by now. If I try and pry, he will just outright refuse to talk to me.   
So, although it hurts, I move back to the bed. I draw the covers over myself and clench my hands as he steps out.   
“Alright, stay safe. I love you, Alain.”  
Alain doesn’t say it back. 

The next morning, Alain arrives by breakfast. His eyes have dark rings around them and he looks worse for wear. He all but scrambles for me and beckons me back into our room.   
I follow him and whirl on him when the door closes behind us.   
“Are you hurt?” My hand reaches for his cheek, a scratch is starting to bleed, but he shakes his head.   
“Jinhai knows we are here. One of his crows tried to scratch my eyes out on my walk. I managed to slice it with my sword but it had a friend who flew off. By now, it is midway to the castle and the Generals will know where we are. We need to move,” he says.   
I watch as he scrambles to pack away our few belongings. My hands fasten my cloak around my neck and I grind my teeth together.   
“Where do we go? The town was supposed to be safe,” I grimace.   
Alain finishes packing his armor and slips his sword into its scabbard. Unlike his double bladed weapon, discarded back at the Witch Queen’s castle, this thing can easily be hidden by his coat.   
He angles my cloak to hide my cheek, where some of the injury still remains, and presses his lips together.   
“You aren’t going to like it, Hannah,” he warns. I tense and he sighs. “The only place the Generals would not think to look for us is in Wolfson’s domain.”

We disembark as soon as possible. Alain makes up some excuse to the innkeeper and pays a hefty sum for our rooms. After that, we walk for hours through small roads and woods.   
Wolfson’s domain, as Alain claims, is about a day and a half away. If we hurry and don’t stop until nightfall, we can at least reach the town.   
I inquire several times as to what we’ll do once there, surely Wolfson will hear of our arrival, but Alain insists we can find another inn to hide.   
He keeps quiet most of the trek, eyes still distant, and I can’t break through the walls he built. Something is eating away at him mentally, breaking him faster than I can blink. Escaping the Witch Queen shattered something in him that I can’t repair.   
I don’t know whether it is the guilt of all the things he has done under her employ that is breaking him, or if it is the guilt of my near death that is putting the final nail in the coffin. Either way, Alain’s mind is miles away and I don’t know how to reach it. My only hope is that he will open up to me once we reach a safe space. 

By nighttime, Alain makes camp. I try and help but my American lifestyle never truly delved into camping. Eventually, I just sit down by the fire he built and watch him make a makeshift camping spot.   
When he is finished, he sits next to the fire but opposite of me. His eyes never once meet mine and he stares down at the flames. They cast horrible shadows against his face that make him look tortured.   
I shiver despite the heat and bite my lip. “What do we do once we reach Wolfson?”  
Alain takes a moment to answer but, when he does, he sounds more tired then ever. He shifts uncomfortably and pokes at the fire with a stick.   
“You’ll stay at an inn away from people. Wolfson’s domain is big enough to live comfortably away from Wolfson himself yet still close enough to his protection. No one will recognize your resemblance, not with that hood, and you can have a nice life there,” he answers.   
I frown and lean closer to the fire. My hands hover over it for warmth and I try to sound giddy.   
“What about you? Do you think they’ll recognize you? Too bad this world doesn’t have hair dye...you’d look good with dark hair,” I smile at him.   
He doesn’t smile back.   
A little worried, I press forward. “Wolfson’s people won’t recognize you, right? We can’t really live a normal life in his domain if people know who you are.”  
Alain is quiet for a long time before standing up.   
“Wolfson’s people will recognize the General that terrorized them for a decade. I imagine my arrival will be reported to his retainers as soon as we arrive. I intend to go to Wolfson and ask for shelter.”  
He douses the fire out and motions for me to go to bed. I feel my blood run cold when I register his words. My hands clutch at his form.   
“You’re going to Wolfson yourself? Do you think he will actually pardon you and extend you asylum?”  
I lay down next to him and reach for his hand. He draws it back and turns over so that he is facing away from me.   
“Go to sleep, Hannah,” he orders.   
My question goes unanswered that night. 

By midday the next day, we arrive at Wolfson’s domain. The town is much livelier and bustling than the one by the Witch Queen’s castle. With my hood up and his head down, Alain and I go undetected.   
I follow Alain trough a maze of streets before we find an inn. It looks nicer than the one before, and Alain pays for a room.   
When we finally go up into our room, Alain sets our stuff down and drops his sword on the desk. He looks tired and he pinched his nose. I reach for him again, but he stands up and moves away.   
I wince at this but he doesn’t notice. Instead, he paces back and forth and lets out a sigh every now and then.   
“I need to talk to Wolfson about my arrival. His guards will notice me soon enough anyway and it’s best if I go willingly rather than being caught. I’ll tell him I changed sides and will confess to my crimes of war,” Alain mumbles.   
I bite my lip hard enough to draw blood. Anxiety fills me once more and I sit down on the desk.   
“Are you sure he’ll forgive you and offer you shelter?”   
Alain doesn’t answer me and instead pulls out the money from his coat. He deposits it on the bed and washes his face with a basin of water nearby.   
“That should be enough for you to settle down here. You’ll need to find a job, but the innkeeper will help with that. There was a sign that read that he was looking for a maid and that should pay enough for room and board. It won’t be hard to fit in here.”   
“What about you?” I wrap my fingers around my throat.   
“I’ll go to Wolfson now and talk to him. Don’t wait for me, Hannah.”  
Alain walks over to me and I close my eyes. I think he will kiss me, but when nothing happens, I open them again.   
Alain sets his sword on my lap and moves away from me. His expression is utterly neutral and closed off. I can’t read his eyes either.   
“That sword is silver, it can sell for a fair price if you need it. Barter with a blacksmith who knows what swords like that are worth and you’ll have enough for a few days,” he mumbles.   
I grip the blade in my hand and drop down from the desk. My hands being to shake with anxiety.   
“Why does it sound like you’re saying goodbye?”   
My voice is small and shaky. I feel really, really afraid.   
Alain doesn’t answer for a bit, too busy staring at himself in the mirror with something that looks like contempt, before finally turning towards me.   
“I’m going to Wolfson to confess to my war crimes. He’ll be lenient, his mercy knows no bounds. I won’t tell him about you, you’ll be safe.”   
My hands shake so badly that the sword rattles in the scabbard. “He’s merciful? Will he pardon you then? Let you come back to me?”  
“I’ve done a lot of bad things, Hannah,” Alain whispers as he moves to open the door, “don’t wait for me.”  
He repeats this phrase again and my heart races in my chest. ‘Don’t wait for me’. I no longer think he means just for tonight.   
“Alain-“   
I reach out for him but he moves away. By now, he’s gotten better at moving away from reach. My hand meets only air and he avoids my gaze.   
“Goodbye, Hannah.”  
I stare at him as he steps out of the room. I stand at the doorway and watch his retreating figure.   
My mouth opens and I call out after his retreating form as if my words would make a difference. “I love you, Alain!”  
I see him freeze mid-step before continuing on. He doesn’t turn around or acknowledge me, but as he turns a corner, I can still hear his whisper.   
“I don’t deserve to be loved.”

I wait for him that night, but he doesn’t return. I keep waiting for the next week, worry eating me away. Eventually, it grows too much for me to contain and I leave the inn.   
I walk through town for about an hour until I find a town square. Knights with red crests pace up in rounds. I pull my hood up and approach two of them. They are mid-gossip.   
“-eneral was sentenced yesterday. Lord Reiner told the council he would handle the sentence himself. He’ll stay in our domain until the war is over.”  
One of the knights makes a face and spits at the ground.   
“I don’t know why we don’t just execute Richter and be done with it.”  
I freeze and dig my nails into my palms until blood trickles out. My heart is pounding in my ears as I approach the men. My body is on autopilot as I clear my throat and hold my hood to shield my face.   
“Exclude me gentlemen, I’m sorry to overhear, but what happened to Richter?”   
I keep my voice somehow steady and avoid their gazes. The Knights jolt, realizing for the first time that I am there, before relaxing.   
One of them, the youngest, offers me a small smile and clears his throat.   
“General Richter, ma’am? Haven’t you heard the gossip? He turned himself in last week and pleaded guilty to his war crimes. The council and Reiner sentenced him to life in prison. He’ll be locked up for the rest of his life and won’t pose a threat to anyone anymore.”  
My world stops and I feel faint, backing away from the men and mumbling a noise of understanding, I nearly pass out.   
It finally dawns on me that Alain lied.   
He hadn’t come to ask Reiner for shelter, he had come to turn himself in.   
Whatever war had waged in his mind over his guilt had led to this. He had chosen to surrender himself in order to deal with the demons that plagued him.   
I almost pass out and brace myself against the wall of a building.   
My mind is racing with a million thoughts but they all lead back to our last meeting-  
The last time I will ever see him if his life sentence is carried out.   
Alain had said he was not worthy of being loved-  
But he was wrong.   
I loved him, love him now, but it didn’t matter. He didn’t feel worthy of being loved, his crimes had taken too heavy a toll on him to accept anything other than hatred.   
Tears begin to stream down my cheeks and I press my forehead against the building.   
Alain is truly gone. For life he will sit on a cell in Wolfson’s castle and rot in order to pay for the crimes he did while blindsided by love.   
My breath comes out slow and shaky and I bite my lip hard enough until blood trickles down my chin.   
It really dawns on me then, with the people passing by me on the busy streets and his sword weighing heavily against my waist, that he is truly gone from my life forever.   
While he sits in that dark prison, I will never be able to tell him that he was wrong. 

 

Alain was worthy of being loved, despite his crimes and wrongdoings, and I was the one who loved him.


End file.
